"Lift up your shirt, I need my vitamins."

-Shante

"You're Debbie Downer and I'm Debbie Does Dallas."

-Shante

"It took all of his fat guts to come over and talk to us." 

-Precious 

"Hey you, stop staring at my fireplace."

-Scarlett

"I wouldn't talk to me, I look mean and expensive." 

-Shante

"He looks like Richard Gere, without the gerbil." 

-Shante

"You remind me of myself when I used to be a slut." 

"I thought of you when my doctor tickled my feet." 

-Britt

"I just got bit and it wasn't a guy, what a shame." 

-Precious

"It smells like pee and bad choices in there." 

-Shante

"A book dies every time you watch The Kardashians."

-Scarlett

"I'm not going anywhere, I just took off my underwear." 

-Scarlett

"I've seen you naked so many times I feel like I owe you money." 

(the perks of being my roommate) 

-Precious 

"Wedgie-town, population 1."

-Brandon

"He's not christian but you can baptize him when he's sleeping." 

"If I'm the moral voice in this house, you're both fu**ed." 

-Precious 

"Tie my shoe woman, I can't reach." 

"I don't want to put a wiener between our friendship." 

"What's my secret power? I can see through bullshit."

-Precious

"Mom- Well I do like Pitbull. 

Me- Who?

Mom- Its hiphop dear." 

"I'm able to be a pervert without being creepy." 

"I'm a man. I'm stupid. How do you not know this about us yet?" 

"Even if you were a bitch, I'd marry you just for your looks." 

"P.S, if you decide to be gay for a day, I volunteer." 


-Shante

"I hope my life is as fun as my Instagram."

"My spiritual name is Bunny, so is my stripper name." 

-Scarlett

"The first time I wore that dress, it came right off." 

"My life right now is like a Beyonce video, I'm just so independent."

"Try not to slip on a banana peel and fall on a d#*k." 

-Shante

"If I was Jesus, I’d make all kinds of animals. I’d make a human shark. I’d make YOU a human shark."


-Elliot (7 yrs old)

"I wanna cry. But I'm heartless so I won't."


 -Precious

"You tried to wrestle with me today and I turned it into a cuddle. That felt good."


-Brittany 

"I'm scarred, I need my mommy." -Me 

"I need your mommy too, she's hot." -Andre

(yeah mom, still got it) 

"No, no, no don't quote me. Give other people a chance." 


-Precious

"Alcohol may save our relationship."

"I'm trying not to find the cure for anything so I have job security."


-Precious
(this is who we have working on Hep C, sorry Pamela)

"How many times do I have to tell you?! I'm your best friend!!"


-Brittany

"He was nice, he didn't even kick me out of his house." 

-Melissa 

"It's hard not to be a creep when there's a Catholic high school next-door." 

"F Hitler. I'm gonna create my own perfect race. What's the perfect race? Anything with my DNA."


-Precious 

"The universe is in your uterus." 

-Sam (see comment above)

"Ima stalk the sh*t out of you." 

"Freak'n Pinterest made me fat."


-Danielle

"You better manage your squad. Wheels start falling off and homies get their pinky toes broken." 


-Thomas 

"I would have sex with him, even while he's holding his baby."

-Sara

"I'm closed for business....since birth."

-Melissa

"To really appreciate the true beauty of a man, you have to see him with his shirt off." 


-Mom

"What?! I didn't try to rape you! If I attempt rape I succeed."


-Josh

"You're a bad mom..we are meant to be together." 


-Rick

"He's so sensitive. That's why it's so fun bringing him down." 


-Precious